A letter from the co-creator of The Last Show Before We Die — Mary Higgins.

28 March

Hello, you.

I’m Mary, the co-creator and performer of The Last Show Before We Die, which is coming back to The Yard in April. It’s nice to meet you.

I need to get something off my chest.

It has come to my attention that the show has caused some breakups. I’m not sure how to feel about this. I mean firstly, we should probably apologise because breakups are horrible. Right? That seems a decent thing to do. And then for legal reasons, it would probably be good to clarify that it was never our intention to break people up, and we are not legally accountable for any breakups that may or may not have been influenced by watching our show.

And then to really hedge our bets, we might consider adding an extra trigger warning to the copy: "this show may cause break ups, only suitable for people who feel secure in their relationships".

But I have to confess… there’s a part of me which is secretly thrilled by the whole thing. Is that evil to say? I mean, purely from an artistic perspective, it’s kind of wild to think that a batshit hour of fringe theatre could actually break people UP!? Like I’m sorry, but I think that might be the best review the show will ever get.

And I know, I know, we can never truly understand the web of causation that leads up to an event, chickens and eggs and yada yada ad infinitum. You’re probably thinking how insanely arrogant it is of me to believe that my little show could wreak such relationship havoc… but to hell with it, maybe I am arrogant.

Speaking of arrogance, I’ve totally forgotten to mention Ell. Ell is the co-creator/performer of this show, so they’re pretty important. She’s also my best friend, ex-lover, and housemate.

Ell and I first started dreaming of this show when we were living out the pandemic in a pokey 2-bed in Margate. During that time, we basically spent every waking hour together. We’d swim together, eat together, work out together, watch TV together, laugh together, and often drive each other crazy. And all this claustrophobic codependence got us thinking about endings.

Endings are funny, aren’t they? Not as in: hahaha we’re all gonna die. That’s not funny. But it is kinda funny that even though life is jam-packed with endings no one is particularly good at them. Even the people who you think would be good at endings aren’t really that good at them. 

And we should know, because we interviewed a few ‘expert enders’ for the show, including a palliative carer, a therapist, a climate activist, my gramps, a midwife, and none of them were particularly good at endings. You know what they say about riding a bike? Well, endings are nothing like bikes.

Then again, people aren’t very good at beginnings either. And the thing about endings is, that you can’t have an ending without a beginning. And isn’t it kinda ironic that just when me and Ell had hit what we thought was The End in Margate, and we spent our days grimly contemplating the mortality of our lives, careers and friendship, just at that point, we also began a show?

And isn’t it also kinda ironic that The Last Show Before We Die, which began in so much hopeless loneliness actually caused us to meet new creatives and collaborate with new people? And then it brought us back to our beloved Edinburgh Fringe, and then to The Yard Theatre (where we’d always dreamed of performing), and that ultimately - the real miracle of it all - the show brought us you!

Yes, you. The audience. You’re the best bit - without you, Ell and I might never have moved back to London. Without you, we might have drifted apart from each other and into office jobs that we’d have been terrible at. Let’s face it: without you, without the dream of you, without the potential of you, there wouldn’t be a show.

So I’m sorry if we cause any break ups. I am. But endings are just a fact of life, and so are beginnings. We can’t ultimately protect you from any of it.

See you in April… if you dare.

Mary x